THIS JUST IN: The Avengers is an average film

Despite making one gazillionfuckbutts in revenue at the box office and earning glowing reviews from everyone in the world.  A shocking fact has surfaced.

The Avengers is an average film.

I know!  I know!  I thought that sounded like crazy talk too!  But, a CNN galloping poll JUST CONFIRMED SCIENTIFICALLY that it’s “got it’s moments”, but ultimately doesn’t add up to a hill of beans.  This study also said that: Mark R. (I’m too lazy to look up how to spell his name) playing the Hulk was the best part and that most people would rather watch 10 minutes of all his bits and take a dump and call it a night.

Also, I love comedy!  I love it so much!  I just love laughing.  But, when every single person is a wise-cracking broham (even the villain), it’s no longer fun for me.  Am I crazy?  I dunno.  I just didn’t give a shit about this movie.

I know!  I know!  I’m old and out of touch! (and fat and ugly!)  I only saw Iron Man and could give ten shits less about the other movies leading up to this…BUT—

BUT—-

If everyones going to jump on motherfuckers for saying, “Well, I thought it was flawed”, then ya’ll need to check yourself BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF.  


AND HEY DICK NUTS.  IF YOU LOVED THE FILM.  AWESOME. ITS AWESOME TO FUCKING LOVE A MOVIE!  I JERK OFF TO ALL SORTS OF THEM ON THE REG.  BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE TO EAT SHIT AND MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE 2ND CLASS CITIZENS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT LIKE THE AVENGERS>  SERIOUSLY EAT MY DICK

I mean, this perfectly valid, thoughtful review is just getting hammered by geekazoids who want everyone to like the things they like.  C’mon bros.  Get your shit together.

But, yknow what?  EVERYTHINGS FUCKED.  Because these movies will just keep getting made and critics will be bullied into going with the flow.  And yknow what?

Fuck!

FUCK!!! FUCK IT!!! FUCK IT!!!!

Sincerely,

Frankie Starbuzz

YO SOPA! You think I’m gonna go blacked out on Wednesday cause you’re a dickhead?  Well guess what?  My protest is that Shitblasters.com WILL REMAIN ONLINE AND UNBLACK!  That’s right, bitches! While all these sites close down, Shitblasters.com will remain! WE ARE A BEACON IN THE NIGHT! (And on the downlow: We hope to overtake all the sites on the internet!  WHILE THEY ALL BE HIGH AND MIGHTY, WE’RE GONNA SCROUNGE AROUND IN THE SEWER AND KEEP OUR LIGHTS ON.  Come Thursday WE WILL BE THE NUMBER ONE SITE IN AMERICA) WE ARE THE NUMBER ONE SITE IN AMERICA GOD BLESS AMERICAAND GOD BLESS SHITBLASTERS.COM -Franklin Starbuzz
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YO SOPA!

You think I’m gonna go blacked out on Wednesday cause you’re a dickhead?  Well guess what?  My protest is that Shitblasters.com WILL REMAIN ONLINE AND UNBLACK! 
That’s right, bitches!

While all these sites close down, Shitblasters.com will remain!

WE ARE A BEACON IN THE NIGHT!

(And on the downlow: We hope to overtake all the sites on the internet!  WHILE THEY ALL BE HIGH AND MIGHTY, WE’RE GONNA SCROUNGE AROUND IN THE SEWER AND KEEP OUR LIGHTS ON.  Come Thursday WE WILL BE THE NUMBER ONE SITE IN AMERICA)

WE ARE THE NUMBER ONE SITE IN AMERICA


GOD BLESS AMERICA

AND GOD BLESS SHITBLASTERS.COM

-Franklin Starbuzz

Men in Black 3 new Poster art, remixed by Franklin Starbuzz.
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Men in Black 3 new Poster art, remixed by Franklin Starbuzz.

The CG work in the new Green Lantern trailer is out of this world, dudes. And by out of this world I mean it looks like total dog shit that I could make in 3D Studio Max 1.3 beta with my dick tied to both of my hands. Blind-folded. -Frankie PS. CG means computer graphics.  For those who need to recognize.
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The CG work in the new Green Lantern trailer is out of this world, dudes.

And by out of this world I mean it looks like total dog shit that I could make in 3D Studio Max 1.3 beta with my dick tied to both of my hands.

Blind-folded.

-Frankie

PS. CG means computer graphics.  For those who need to recognize.

EXCLUSIVE!!!  FACEBOOK FOUNDER, MARK ZUCKERBERG KICKS FACEBOOK OFFLINE BECAUSE OF “THE SOCIAL NETWORK” MOVIE!!!! Facebook was down for many users for the second day in a row today prompting people around the nation to be like, “what the fuck?  What the FUCK am I supposed to do with my fucking life?” People close to Mark Zuckerberg, founder of facebook, have recently said that: “Mark is really shitting bricks over this new facebook movie.  He donated like 100 million dollars to some schools in NJ.  That’s how bad he’s shitting bricks.  Anyways, he just came up to us the other day and was like: ‘I’m deleting facebook’.  We were all shocked.  But, apparently he wants that new facebook movie to un-exist and for the director, David Fincher to give him a blowjob via ustream.com” Wow! Those are fighting words. Which leads us to prompt the question(s): Will David Fincher give Zuckerberg a blowjob?Will the studios un-release The Social Network? Let’s hope David knows how to suck a dick!  We, as a nation, ARE DEPENDING ON IT! - Frankie Starbuzz Friend us on facebook before it’s too late.
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EXCLUSIVE!!!  FACEBOOK FOUNDER, MARK ZUCKERBERG KICKS FACEBOOK OFFLINE BECAUSE OF “THE SOCIAL NETWORK” MOVIE!!!!

Facebook was down for many users for the second day in a row today prompting people around the nation to be like, “what the fuck?  What the FUCK am I supposed to do with my fucking life?”

People close to Mark Zuckerberg, founder of facebook, have recently said that:

“Mark is really shitting bricks over this new facebook movie.  He donated like 100 million dollars to some schools in NJ.  That’s how bad he’s shitting bricks.  Anyways, he just came up to us the other day and was like: ‘I’m deleting facebook’.  We were all shocked.  But, apparently he wants that new facebook movie to un-exist and for the director, David Fincher to give him a blowjob via ustream.com”

Wow!

Those are fighting words.

Which leads us to prompt the question(s):

Will David Fincher give Zuckerberg a blowjob?
Will the studios un-release The Social Network?

Let’s hope David knows how to suck a dick!  We, as a nation, ARE DEPENDING ON IT!

- Frankie Starbuzz

Friend us on facebook before it’s too late.

Earlier this summer, a few movie blogs were upset over Armond White’s negative review of Toy Story 3. That review was “significant” because it vanquished the film’s perfect 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com. But, tell me, dear readers: Do you honestly think that Toy Story 3 is a flawless movie?  Do you HONESTLY think a flawless movie exists? That a movie can be 100% to everyone? Everywhere? In the world? If you do, you’re a fucking idiot.  So what, he didn’t dig Toy Story 3?!  Maybe he’s someone who doesn’t automatically suck Pixar’s dick every time one of their films come out.  (Sorry Oscars, but “UP” was tonally all over the place and uneven and in no way stronger than “Fantastic Mr. Fox” or “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”.)  But, this isn’t about Pixar.  This is about “The Social Network.” For a little while, “The Social Network” had that coveted 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.  And true to form: Armond recently derailed it. And the FanBoy community was clamoring for it!  Will he do it?  Will he “screw this up”?   And when he did…it was like letting loose the hounds! They all couldn’t wait to crucify the guy. Now…Hold on… Do I think Armond is peculiar?  Yes.  His brain works in ways I don’t completely understand sometimes. But, whether you like it or not: the dude’s smart and well versed in film.  And if you heard him on the slashfilm.com podcast, you saw him manhandle the young hosts.  (We all know how I felt about Inception…) The thing that bothers me more than Armond is the fan boy mentality of “getting a 100%!”  This isn’t a video game.  Everyone who witnesses “The Social Network” retain a 100% doesn’t receive a prize.  So, why does everyone care so much? And as much as fan boys want to believe they’re doing good for the film industry by “rallying around” certain films, they’re actually crippling it.  By encouraging this snowball effect, they’re actually limiting legitimate critical thought and discouraging what we all love to do: TALK ABOUT FILM.  I’m sure there are flaws in this movie.  I’m sure one reviewer might actually point them out.  But, no matter how intelligent that point may be.  A fan boy will instantly jump down their throat. “LIKE WHAT I LIKE.  WE WANT IT TO BE 100%!  ONE OF US, ONE OF US!” And you know what, fuck you, you entitled piece of shit. Everyone has an opinion.  And instead of badgering those who do, why don’t you join the dialogue and discussion?  I hope to Christ “The Social Network” is the movie everyone saying it is.  I want to see great movies.  I live for that shit!  I would love this movie to rock my fucking world.  I’d love for my dick to get rail hard. But, if it doesn’t. If it doesn’t get me shooting loads into the guy’s popcorn in front of me. Well, y’know what? I think it’s okay to say that it didn’t. And I refuse to be persecuted for it. This is Frankie Starbuzz. And all you movie blog motherfuckers are on notice.
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Earlier this summer, a few movie blogs were upset over Armond White’s negative review of Toy Story 3.

That review was “significant” because it vanquished the film’s perfect 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.

But, tell me, dear readers: Do you honestly think that Toy Story 3 is a flawless movie? 

Do you HONESTLY think a flawless movie exists?

That a movie can be 100% to everyone?

Everywhere?

In the world?

If you do, you’re a fucking idiot.  So what, he didn’t dig Toy Story 3?!  Maybe he’s someone who doesn’t automatically suck Pixar’s dick every time one of their films come out.  (Sorry Oscars, but “UP” was tonally all over the place and uneven and in no way stronger than “Fantastic Mr. Fox” or “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”.) 

But, this isn’t about Pixar.  This is about “The Social Network.”

For a little while, “The Social Network” had that coveted 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.  And true to form: Armond recently derailed it.

And the FanBoy community was clamoring for it!  Will he do it?  Will he “screw this up”?   And when he did…it was like letting loose the hounds! They all couldn’t wait to crucify the guy.

Now…Hold on…

Do I think Armond is peculiar?  Yes.  His brain works in ways I don’t completely understand sometimes. But, whether you like it or not: the dude’s smart and well versed in film.  And if you heard him on the slashfilm.com podcast, you saw him manhandle the young hosts.  (We all know how I felt about Inception…)

The thing that bothers me more than Armond is the fan boy mentality of “getting a 100%!”  This isn’t a video game.  Everyone who witnesses “The Social Network” retain a 100% doesn’t receive a prize.  So, why does everyone care so much?

And as much as fan boys want to believe they’re doing good for the film industry by “rallying around” certain films, they’re actually crippling it.  By encouraging this snowball effect, they’re actually limiting legitimate critical thought and discouraging what we all love to do: TALK ABOUT FILM.  I’m sure there are flaws in this movie.  I’m sure one reviewer might actually point them out.  But, no matter how intelligent that point may be.  A fan boy will instantly jump down their throat.

“LIKE WHAT I LIKE.  WE WANT IT TO BE 100%!  ONE OF US, ONE OF US!”

And you know what, fuck you, you entitled piece of shit.

Everyone has an opinion.  And instead of badgering those who do, why don’t you join the dialogue and discussion? 

I hope to Christ “The Social Network” is the movie everyone saying it is.  I want to see great movies.  I live for that shit!  I would love this movie to rock my fucking world.  I’d love for my dick to get rail hard.

But, if it doesn’t.

If it doesn’t get me shooting loads into the guy’s popcorn in front of me.

Well, y’know what?

I think it’s okay to say that it didn’t.

And I refuse to be persecuted for it.

This is Frankie Starbuzz.

And all you movie blog motherfuckers are on notice.

Frankie tells all.

I haven’t reviewed a movie in a while.   Sometimes I think this movie blog defines me as a person….Like…if I’m not reviewing movies and making the phattest blog on the blogosphere…then, I think to myself…well, what am I really doing with my life?

DOES MY WORK DEFINE ME AS A PERSON?

DOES IT?

WHO AM I REALLY?

AM I JUST THE SUM OF MY PHAT MOVIE REVIEWS?

Am I having an existential crisis right now?

NO, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! 

MY NAME IS FRANKIE STARBUZZ AND I RUN THE BEST SITE IN THE FUCKING WORLD.

YEAH I HAVENT WRITTEN A REVIEW IN A WHILE.  SO WHAT?  FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!  I DONT NEED TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU!

…

…

…

Shit.  I better write a movie review soon.  Or else I’m toast.

Fuck me,
Frankie Starbuzz

MY SCOTT PILGRIM REVIEW HAS BEEN ENCODED INTO SOMEONE ELSES STATUS MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK.  I HAVE COPIED IT FROM MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND PASTED IT HERE FOR YOUR EYEBALLS. 0-frankie
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MY SCOTT PILGRIM REVIEW HAS BEEN ENCODED INTO SOMEONE ELSES STATUS MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK.  I HAVE COPIED IT FROM MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND PASTED IT HERE FOR YOUR EYEBALLS.

0-frankie

Sylvestor Stallone is officially on twitter today.  I figured I’d make him feel welcome. @shitblasters, bitches. -Frankie
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Sylvestor Stallone is officially on twitter today.  I figured I’d make him feel welcome.

@shitblasters, bitches.

-Frankie

Blockbuster to go out of business - says every one on the internet

I usually go to a regular ol mom and pop rental place to get my movies.

Once in a blue moon, I’ll have to go to a blockbuster.  Where the selection is shit and the rentals are so fucking overpriced!!!!!!!

GOOD RIDDANCE YOU FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!

FUCK YOU AND YOUR OVERPRICED FUCKS!

I AM SO ANGRY AT YOU!!!

I AM SO

SO
ANGRY!!!!

FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKERS

all of you!!!!!!

-Frankie Starbuzz