The CG work in the new Green Lantern trailer is out of this world, dudes. And by out of this world I mean it looks like total dog shit that I could make in 3D Studio Max 1.3 beta with my dick tied to both of my hands. Blind-folded. -Frankie PS. CG means computer graphics.  For those who need to recognize.
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The CG work in the new Green Lantern trailer is out of this world, dudes.

And by out of this world I mean it looks like total dog shit that I could make in 3D Studio Max 1.3 beta with my dick tied to both of my hands.

Blind-folded.

-Frankie

PS. CG means computer graphics.  For those who need to recognize.

Earlier this summer, a few movie blogs were upset over Armond White’s negative review of Toy Story 3. That review was “significant” because it vanquished the film’s perfect 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com. But, tell me, dear readers: Do you honestly think that Toy Story 3 is a flawless movie?  Do you HONESTLY think a flawless movie exists? That a movie can be 100% to everyone? Everywhere? In the world? If you do, you’re a fucking idiot.  So what, he didn’t dig Toy Story 3?!  Maybe he’s someone who doesn’t automatically suck Pixar’s dick every time one of their films come out.  (Sorry Oscars, but “UP” was tonally all over the place and uneven and in no way stronger than “Fantastic Mr. Fox” or “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”.)  But, this isn’t about Pixar.  This is about “The Social Network.” For a little while, “The Social Network” had that coveted 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.  And true to form: Armond recently derailed it. And the FanBoy community was clamoring for it!  Will he do it?  Will he “screw this up”?   And when he did…it was like letting loose the hounds! They all couldn’t wait to crucify the guy. Now…Hold on… Do I think Armond is peculiar?  Yes.  His brain works in ways I don’t completely understand sometimes. But, whether you like it or not: the dude’s smart and well versed in film.  And if you heard him on the slashfilm.com podcast, you saw him manhandle the young hosts.  (We all know how I felt about Inception…) The thing that bothers me more than Armond is the fan boy mentality of “getting a 100%!”  This isn’t a video game.  Everyone who witnesses “The Social Network” retain a 100% doesn’t receive a prize.  So, why does everyone care so much? And as much as fan boys want to believe they’re doing good for the film industry by “rallying around” certain films, they’re actually crippling it.  By encouraging this snowball effect, they’re actually limiting legitimate critical thought and discouraging what we all love to do: TALK ABOUT FILM.  I’m sure there are flaws in this movie.  I’m sure one reviewer might actually point them out.  But, no matter how intelligent that point may be.  A fan boy will instantly jump down their throat. “LIKE WHAT I LIKE.  WE WANT IT TO BE 100%!  ONE OF US, ONE OF US!” And you know what, fuck you, you entitled piece of shit. Everyone has an opinion.  And instead of badgering those who do, why don’t you join the dialogue and discussion?  I hope to Christ “The Social Network” is the movie everyone saying it is.  I want to see great movies.  I live for that shit!  I would love this movie to rock my fucking world.  I’d love for my dick to get rail hard. But, if it doesn’t. If it doesn’t get me shooting loads into the guy’s popcorn in front of me. Well, y’know what? I think it’s okay to say that it didn’t. And I refuse to be persecuted for it. This is Frankie Starbuzz. And all you movie blog motherfuckers are on notice.
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Earlier this summer, a few movie blogs were upset over Armond White’s negative review of Toy Story 3.

That review was “significant” because it vanquished the film’s perfect 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.

But, tell me, dear readers: Do you honestly think that Toy Story 3 is a flawless movie? 

Do you HONESTLY think a flawless movie exists?

That a movie can be 100% to everyone?

Everywhere?

In the world?

If you do, you’re a fucking idiot.  So what, he didn’t dig Toy Story 3?!  Maybe he’s someone who doesn’t automatically suck Pixar’s dick every time one of their films come out.  (Sorry Oscars, but “UP” was tonally all over the place and uneven and in no way stronger than “Fantastic Mr. Fox” or “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”.) 

But, this isn’t about Pixar.  This is about “The Social Network.”

For a little while, “The Social Network” had that coveted 100% rating on RottenTomatoes.com.  And true to form: Armond recently derailed it.

And the FanBoy community was clamoring for it!  Will he do it?  Will he “screw this up”?   And when he did…it was like letting loose the hounds! They all couldn’t wait to crucify the guy.

Now…Hold on…

Do I think Armond is peculiar?  Yes.  His brain works in ways I don’t completely understand sometimes. But, whether you like it or not: the dude’s smart and well versed in film.  And if you heard him on the slashfilm.com podcast, you saw him manhandle the young hosts.  (We all know how I felt about Inception…)

The thing that bothers me more than Armond is the fan boy mentality of “getting a 100%!”  This isn’t a video game.  Everyone who witnesses “The Social Network” retain a 100% doesn’t receive a prize.  So, why does everyone care so much?

And as much as fan boys want to believe they’re doing good for the film industry by “rallying around” certain films, they’re actually crippling it.  By encouraging this snowball effect, they’re actually limiting legitimate critical thought and discouraging what we all love to do: TALK ABOUT FILM.  I’m sure there are flaws in this movie.  I’m sure one reviewer might actually point them out.  But, no matter how intelligent that point may be.  A fan boy will instantly jump down their throat.

“LIKE WHAT I LIKE.  WE WANT IT TO BE 100%!  ONE OF US, ONE OF US!”

And you know what, fuck you, you entitled piece of shit.

Everyone has an opinion.  And instead of badgering those who do, why don’t you join the dialogue and discussion? 

I hope to Christ “The Social Network” is the movie everyone saying it is.  I want to see great movies.  I live for that shit!  I would love this movie to rock my fucking world.  I’d love for my dick to get rail hard.

But, if it doesn’t.

If it doesn’t get me shooting loads into the guy’s popcorn in front of me.

Well, y’know what?

I think it’s okay to say that it didn’t.

And I refuse to be persecuted for it.

This is Frankie Starbuzz.

And all you movie blog motherfuckers are on notice.

Frankie tells all.

I haven’t reviewed a movie in a while.   Sometimes I think this movie blog defines me as a person….Like…if I’m not reviewing movies and making the phattest blog on the blogosphere…then, I think to myself…well, what am I really doing with my life?

DOES MY WORK DEFINE ME AS A PERSON?

DOES IT?

WHO AM I REALLY?

AM I JUST THE SUM OF MY PHAT MOVIE REVIEWS?

Am I having an existential crisis right now?

NO, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! 

MY NAME IS FRANKIE STARBUZZ AND I RUN THE BEST SITE IN THE FUCKING WORLD.

YEAH I HAVENT WRITTEN A REVIEW IN A WHILE.  SO WHAT?  FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!  I DONT NEED TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU!

…

…

…

Shit.  I better write a movie review soon.  Or else I’m toast.

Fuck me,
Frankie Starbuzz

MY SCOTT PILGRIM REVIEW HAS BEEN ENCODED INTO SOMEONE ELSES STATUS MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK.  I HAVE COPIED IT FROM MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND PASTED IT HERE FOR YOUR EYEBALLS. 0-frankie
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MY SCOTT PILGRIM REVIEW HAS BEEN ENCODED INTO SOMEONE ELSES STATUS MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK.  I HAVE COPIED IT FROM MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND PASTED IT HERE FOR YOUR EYEBALLS.

0-frankie

Sylvestor Stallone is officially on twitter today.  I figured I’d make him feel welcome. @shitblasters, bitches. -Frankie
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Sylvestor Stallone is officially on twitter today.  I figured I’d make him feel welcome.

@shitblasters, bitches.

-Frankie

Dear Film Industry,

Can one of you motherfuckers make a movie that I want to see this summer?

Thanks bros,

Frankie Starbuzz

my mom just called me.

She said I curse too much on my blog.

So, I’m going to turn a new leaf here and never curse again.

I, like many stand up comedians I’ve read about, think working “blue” is the easy way out.  Sure, I could curse every time I don’t care for a movie.  But, it’s way too easy.

I should read more dictionarys and come up with words that are not used a lot.

I should do that instead of using simple, crude words to define my intellectual viewpoint of a particular piece of art.

SIKE.

FUCK YOU, MOM.

I WILL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT»> I RUN A MOVIE REVIEW SITE»>AND I AM A FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!

-Frankie Starbuzz

WHY DOESNT ANYONE SEE HOW BRILLIANT I AM????

I am the best entertainment journalist ever in the history of fucking mankind.  When I read slashfilm.com and eharmony.com’s blogs.  I’m like: YOU GUYS DON’T FUCKING KNOW SHIT!! I AM THE MASTER OF THIS ART FORM!

then i weep.

I openly weep after I read someone else’s blog.

because I’m like —- how are they so popular?

HOW?

WHEN I AM THE BEST?

IM THE FUCKING BEST!

I WILL OUT WRITE YOU ANY DAY YOU FUCKS!
GOD DAMN IT!

RESPECT ME!

I AM FRANKIE STARBUZZ!
HERE ME ROAR!

-Frankie. 

SHITBLASTERS.COM IS GOING TO COMIC CON!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are going to seriously cream in your pants when you see some of the coverage we have planned for you. I just saw a preview of a few booths and man, these booths are seriously BEYOND COMPREHENSION.  I HAVE NEVER SEEN BOOTHS LIKE THIS. So, Frankie: WHAT DO YOU GUYS HAVE PLANNED? We’re going to take a look at pieces of shit THOR and CAPTAIN AMERICA at Comic Con!  Then after that, we’re going to shit in our pants for a year hypothesizing over every image that those fuckfaces release to us!  Then, when they take a big dump on our faces next year, we’re gonna eat every morsal! FUCK US! FUCK US ALL!!!!!! <3Frankie Starbuzz
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SHITBLASTERS.COM IS GOING TO COMIC CON!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys are going to seriously cream in your pants when you see some of the coverage we have planned for you. I just saw a preview of a few booths and man, these booths are seriously BEYOND COMPREHENSION.  I HAVE NEVER SEEN BOOTHS LIKE THIS.

So, Frankie: WHAT DO YOU GUYS HAVE PLANNED?

We’re going to take a look at pieces of shit THOR and CAPTAIN AMERICA at Comic Con!  Then after that, we’re going to shit in our pants for a year hypothesizing over every image that those fuckfaces release to us! 

Then, when they take a big dump on our faces next year, we’re gonna eat every morsal!

FUCK US!
FUCK US ALL!!!!!!

<3
Frankie Starbuzz